I have the best sister this side of the Mississippi

Today when I came home from work, I found this. My lovely sister had bought me maternity clothes. I love her. She knows that I hate shopping and she does it for me. It was a late Mother's Day present even though I'm not a mother, unless you count all my many pets but that's just creepy. Please also note our new frog shaped humidifier. It helps me to breathe at night and therefore sleep. It is the best friend Dave has made since moving to North Carolina.

I would also like to take this time to thank my Mother in Law, Nancy, who has funded all the other maternity purchases I have made.

And also Emily Righter and her sisters even if they don't know that they loaned me all their maternity clothes. All the pants go up to my armpits. No for real. They actually go up to my armpits. I saw in a magazine once where some rich person who was clearly too full of themself wore really long pants and put a belt around the top so it looked like a whole outfit. I think it was Sienna Miller. I could do that with them. Don't worry, I won't, but I could.

So once again, thanks to everyone who supports the Big Orange Baby by helping me to not get beat up on the mean streets of Cary for wearing inappropriate clothing whilst I grow in the middle.

Donna Hogan stole my identity...not really.

So my identity was stolen again. Once again, the evil one bought about $750 worth of Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards but this time, instead of the phone sex and plane tickets, he/she purchased a $300 haircut, a rental car and paid their storage bill.

I really do want to know who did it just so I can act out those commercials so this time I decided I would pick who did it. I chose Donna Hogan, estranged sister of the late Anna Nicole Smith. I chose her for the following reasons...

1. She is trying to completely remake herself like Anna Nicole-hence needing a really expensive haircut.

2. He was on Dr. Phil and other media outlets recently pushing her new book in which she blasts Anna Nicole for a variety of things including giving naked pictures of herself to their father, therefore she would need a rental car to drive to the studios.

3. She will need a storage space to store all the books that are printed that nobody will buy because she didn't actually know Anna Nicole so all of her stuff must be lies. Plus, the time when she could have known her was before she was famous and lets face it, people will be even less interested.

4. All the charges were in Texas and I don't know anybody in Texas so I had to make up a random person.

DONNA FAYE HOGAN, GIVE ME BACK MAH AHDENTITAH (that is my pathetic attempt at a Texas accent in written form)