Tonight we were discussing employee evaluations at work and decided perhaps we should have home evaluations as well. Here is a summary of what was discussed.
Liz is froo froo, she won’t try new things, she can’t keep secrets and she gets around. She is not however, snooty. Liz is a communist. Liz has stolen Dave’s tv show and ruined it for him.
Karen is also froo froo and a communist. Karen has recently started making everyone who gets up get her stuff. Karen says it is because she is really pregnant and it is hard to move. Dave has better things to do with his time besides make Karen “milk shakes” all day. Karen also has stolen Dave’s tv shows in the past and Dave will have to go back and start completely over.
Karen on Dave:
Dave is continually trying to give Karen a heart attack by making plans to sell barbeque out of a van on the side of the road with a guy named Andy that she has never met. Karen would like a camera crew to follow Dave around and record all the things he says so when he tells her that certain parts of her lower half are in severe pain from her lying she will have evidence.
They smell bad and shed too much. Casey is way past his expiration date and if the cat tries to make out with her anymore, the cat is permanently moving to the porch.
Casey doesn’t smell bad. He has a purebred smell that is neither good nor bad. As soon as he passes, he will immediately be replaced with another giant hairy red dog.
Liz on Dave:
Dave doesn’t listen very well. He should just accept the fact that Liz does not eat beef or pork. He should also stop trying to convince her that her life would change for the better if she would just eat more meats. Liz is not a communist. Liz enjoys watching television with the entire household and Dave will not cooperate and refuses to join in the social activities therefore putting a halt to all household good time fun.
Liz on the dogs:
When it is cold, the dogs are obligated to keep Liz warm.
Karen on Liz:
The color of Liz’s hair is dirty.
On her birthday, Karen has a responsibility to celebrate herself.
9 comments:
thank you for including that dave did, infact, call me the glen bonnie harlot. i know that he will deny it later. now it is on record.
I had no idea about Liz. Who are we talking about here, the Awesomes?
Also, I like that Karen and Liz had so little to say about each other.
And everybody is right about everyboody else, except for Dave on Casey Sanchez. If that smell is purebred, why don't Jack-Jack & Sophie B. also smell of it?
I'd like to think that I am an affiliate of the Bell household and I will be submitting my own reviews soon. I think the Righters should get affiliate cards as well.
Here are our evualations:
Bryan on Karin: Stays up late, wants to eat dinner late, but does get the laundry done in a timely fashion most of the time.
Karin on Bryan: spends time with the boys, Cougarboard, goes to work before I wake up, comes home around 6pm.
Karin on boys: run around like crazy people and want to eat junk constantly but are so cute and loving, I just can't stand it.
Bryan on boys: fun, cute, like me more than their mom, get out of bed too many times in the night.
Boys on Karin: she feeds us, sometimes dresses us, reads with us, gets out our toys, cleans up after us, loves the Internet.
Boys on Bryan: Dad is so fun, he wrestles and chases us and reads us stories before bed, sometimes he goes to CostCo with us, we like to get him from work and go to In-N-Out.
well she asked for it...
liz on ali
ali can't eat wheat but she could if she had a CAN DO attitude as opposed to her CAN'T DO attitude. ali sometimes has butt brain but she also has the fury...both should be avoided and feared a little. ali is liz's personal chef and should bake more pies.
oh...and emily....
it is super pervy to think that i would "get around" w/ the awesomes...icky icky grotty gross. if i were to be pervy w/ any of the glen bonnie lads it would be with the tree because he is super purvy...he would probably proposition me.
no...i have my sights set on hurshell.
Today we celebrate your having been born. I plan to remember your special day by wearing a scarlet paper K around my neck all day. And whenever someone asks what that's for, I'll say it's because remembering Karen is hard without a visual cue. Because she's boring. And then all the people that ask me that all day and I will laugh and laugh at Karen, whose birthday today is.
Dear Jake, your evaluation on Ali's blog was supposed to be for people in your household not your job. I will help you as we used to live in the same household.
Karen on Jake
Jake must need new glasses because he missed the point of this blog post and he requires a large paper letter to wear on his neck to remember his sister. Most could remember with a small letter like the bejeweled K pin that April once gave me that helps me to remember what things belong to me and what things belong to other people in my home.
"I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel." I evaluated myself on me in general, but in the style of an employer's evaluation. Birthday or no, I now accuse YOU of missing the point! And I intend you pin you in the Figure K, which will find you you lying flat on your stomach and me standing with my left foot on your left leg while pulling your right foot towards your head while counterbalancing myself by leaning away from your head by your arms, thus twisting you into a K shape.
Also, I might need glasses, but that's neither here nor there.
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