I think everyone should be in a car pool. Not because of all the gas you save and less traffic. Because it is where you have some good conversation. Todays topic. Least dangerous roommate I ever had. Emily's is a girl named Amy. Mine is Mack Dockery. Here are some fun facts and stories about Mack.
This is not actually Mack but he kind of looks like this.
-Mack was 73 years old. He is probably dead now. If he is alive, he is 78.
-Mack had 2 pictures hanging on his wall, a drinking dipolma and a Bob Ross painting he did himself
-I saw Mack naked twice.
-Mack believed Sears, insurance companies and Social Security were conspiring to take his money
-Mack thought running a fridge would cost too much for electricity so he put the perfectly good fridge in the basement and stacked two mini fridges in the kitchen. One for me and one for him.
-Mack said all the shows that get filmed at night are done so the networks can save money on lighting and when I told him they are actually filmed during the day and then they darken them in editing he didn't believe me.
-Mack thought I worked in a slipper factory because when I wrote down my work phone number he mistook a 9 for a 5 and called a slipper factory. No matter how many times I told him I didn't work there he always thought I did. The people at the slipper factory also told him I didn't work there but he didn't believe them either.
-Mack had 14 siblings and grew up in the Appalaichan Mountains in a house with no plumbing and electricity. He knocked up his girlfriend at 16 and decided he didn't want to live his father's life and take over at the mill so he skedaddled and left the kid and the girlfriend to become a high plains drifter. He got jobs in factories and on farms and would work to the first paycheck, buy a lot of whiskey and hit the road. He would hitch a ride however he could, trucks, trains whatever. He made it all the way to California. He was a hobo. Yeah, I lived with a hobo.
-Mack is wary of living with women. He never got married and didn't much care for his sisters. When I first called to rent a room he hung up on me and called back later. When I moved out he told me that if living with a woman was like living with me, it wouldn't be so bad. I took that as a high complement despite the fact that he kind of told me I wasn't a woman. I apparently didn't have nearly as much cosmetics and knick knacks as he thought one would come with and I came with my own fire extinguisher so I wasn't such a hazard. A side note though, Emily, try not to scream in your cubicle, it's not professional. Mack didn't want to live with ladies but that didn't mean Mack didn't like the ladies. He had copious amounts of an herbal supplement to strengthen his libido and there were constantly phone calls from anonymous women.
-After I moved out, I still checked up on Mack now and then. Once, he didn't return my phone calls for a few days and so I left him a message saying if he didn't call me back I would assume he was dead and break into his house. The reason he didn't call me back was because he got a bottle of whiskey one night and got really drunk. He fell down the stairs on the way to his room and passed out. Jeff, who we will get to in a minute, is a hypochondriac. He called 911 and the operator told him to see if Mack was breathing. Jeff explained that he could not because Mack was bleeding and he might get a disease if he went downstairs. They argued for a half hour about this until the ambulance showed up. Mack spent a day or two in the hospital and didn't call me back because he was back home but still didn't feel like getting out of his birthday suit and was afraid I would come over.
-Jeff is the guy who rented the room before and after me. Mack took care of Jeff. Jeff was a born again who's church told him the reason he was sick was that there were demons in the house. He had to leave. Jeff was an orderly at a hospital, a terrible job for a hypchondriac to have. Every day he would come over to Mack's and Mack would wash his shoes and shoelaces for him. Mack called him Howard Hughes, or Mr. Hughes if he was feeling formal. Jeff would go to Taco Bell and buy five burritos hoping one would not be contaminated. He would watch all the news specials about mold and stuff and then throw everything out into the back yard. Dave and I would periodically have to come pick it all up and take it to Goodwill. I did get a nice toilet brush out of it though.
-Mack fed all the diseased and busted up stray cats in the neighborhood. There were about 20 cats that he had named.
-The reason he is the least dangerous roommate I ever had is that he was completely blind in one eye with tunnel vision in the other, he was completely deaf in one ear and could barely hear out of the other and he couldn't move very well.
I only lived there for two months. It was a good time.
11 comments:
Where do I fall in the line up? I was your roommate for 17 years.
I made a long list of all my roommates and none really stood out as least dangerous. My best choice, though, is Andrew, my very soft spoken college roommate. Andrew was a delicate southern flower who had "the gay." That, however, was overrun by his also having "the southern basptist." So he was a sweet, quiet, chaste (he didn't like girls and he COULDN'T like boys, hence chastity) roommate who forgave all my selfish college kid misbehavior. Also, he stole the show as the cousin in the school's production of "Tommy."
thanks for the warning. I didn't scream, but my heart said "ew."
Jake's roommate caught me off guard, though, and I snickered in my cube.
That was a very riveting story. None of my roomates were ever a danger. Most of them were Mormon sissies like myself. However, I have lived in a rather shady part of town in which I was approached by a drunk bum in my driveway late at night. I did not feel particularly safe with him. Nor did a feel safe with the creepy man who approached me in my drive back in early January. He wanted in my house and insisted on taking my groceries out of my car. He had a nice elaborate story of his supposed wife who was due exactly one month from me and his three year old son that would love to play with Derek. I have since determined that he was nothing more than a nut with a nutty story of a nutty family that never existed in this well maintained neighborhood I live in.
The title of this posting could also be "Most Interesting Roommate I Ever Had."
Ali, you would probably be my most dangerous roommate that isn't dangerous to me.
Em T., I think all of your Mormon sissy roommates were dangerous on account of stupidity. And Phil, my thoughts exactly. My least dangerous roommates were a pair of Canadians that were hilarious. Beebe loved them too. The biggest danger was the German who kept bringing one of the Canadians flowers and stuff.
PS - The German wasn't dangerous because he was German, he was dangerous because he was annoying, which is a whole different kind of dangerous.
i feel very honored that i am not your least dangerous roommate....i am pretty boring.
my least dangerous roommate was my roommate kris. we would say stuff like, "when we get home from class let's take naps." and then we would take naps.
If you want dangerous roommates and living situations, then I'm your man. I've got that covered from fighting and biting Toby to Mad Mike smearing poo on my house, from my bathroom floor falling through my neighbor's ceiling to my gas furnace exhaust being vented directly into my apartment. All that times fifty!
I was amused by this whole story, I believe I remeber this from when I lived with you in Ohio. Which brings me to the point that I feel I should be your least dangerous roomate. Is it because I gave you the flu that one time, I really am sorry about that.
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