8 Things

Emily tagged me. I don't really like to put much about me out on the Internet. So instead. I will post 8 things I know about Emily from when we were little and now that we have reconnected 23 years later.

Emily then...

1. Emily had the best multicolored sweater that I always wanted. Looking back now I know I could have never pulled it off what with my fair complexion and uncooperatively colored hair. Someday, I will find the picture of it and show her. Also, uncooperatively is not a word but I think it fits this sentence nicely.

2. Emily and I had 1 fight in all our 5 years of original friendship. We (her, me and many of our siblings) were sleeping in the living room at her house and for some reason Emily and I wanted to use the same blanket and fought over it. We were trying to kick it off of each other and instead decided to see how long we could kick it and keep it in the air. Thus, the end of the fight.

3. When Emily and I went to Rec School, the rumor is, we would not play with anyone else or participate in any activities. Not true, we just realized our awesomeness and knew we didn't need anyone else or their dumb songs. If they came up with an activity that was worthy of us, like finger painting with pudding, we gladly participated.

4. Emily's dad used to hook some kind of cart to the back of his motorcycle and we would ride in it for fun. I was afraid of this because I came from the house of mandatory seat belt checks and such things scared me. We might as well have jumped off the roof for all the damage that was about to be done. I wanted no part of the road rash that was a guarantee with that scariness. I was a firm believer that if you didn't wear a seat belt you would have no choice but to suffer in a horrible accident and likely die. Emily talked me into going because her dad never drove very fast and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I had done up to that age. Since then, I have bravely not worn a seat belt on a few occasions and lived to tell the tale. Don't worry Mom and Dad. It wasn't within 6 miles of my home so I had a better chance statistically.

Emily now...

5. Emily is afraid of animals. This is no surprise to anyone. But she was willing to risk that and care for Jack Jack, the most poorly behaved of all my animals, while AJ was at scout camp by herself. That is truly dedicated friendship.

6. Emily wrote a really long thesis that was full of all kinds of useful information that I can't currently remember. What I do remember is this... Rabbit Brain, Jittering and Diggle. Nothing can be all bad if it has those words in it. On my part, that is truly dedicated friendship.

7. Emily and my lives have had some odd similarities. I don't know if the fact that we both are fake math people or that we ended up in NC has anything to do with us being friends in our early years but there is something that I now secretly blame her for. I have mostly pink underwear. I used to think it was because nobody in the entire world would ever think that I would have pink underwear. It is not me at all. That was a little amusing to me. Now I believe it is because Emily loves pink enough that it left a lasting impression on my life that doesn't fit in with the rest of me so it had to be hidden...in my pants.

8. Emily has a dream analyzer on hand. Of all the consultants to just know, this one ranks pretty high on my list of what I wish I had. Especially now that I am hosting Leah.

I don't want to tag anyone. I don't think many people read this blog and the few who do were already tagged by the others that read this blog.

My Last Will and Testament

A blog dedicated to Karin Brown...to help cure her lack of blogs to read.

I figured I would write a will now since my unborn child is trying to kill me and I might not make it long enough to look up a lawyer, make an appointment and then get all the paperwork filled out. The internet is legally binding isn't it?

To Leah, my unborn child I leave....
1. One gallon of sweat, all from today, a small rubber mallet for hitting herself in the head and a stick to poke her stomach with, so she may see the misery she caused her poor mama before her untimely death.
2. Two boxes full of empty cd cases that have moved 3 times even though all the cd's were stolen out of my car while I was still in college.
3. All of her dad's "family heirlooms" and enough money to rent a truck and take it all the The Antique's Roadshow and find out just how much it's really worth. This includes our most important "family heirloom", the ceramic Easter Bunny that has a date made sticker of 1982.
4. My favorite book, "Where Does the Garbage Go". Her Auntie Ali may try to take it from her since it does say property of Alice Lorraine Yeagley in the front but Leah will need it more. Her dad will say bad things about recycling after I am gone and she needs to know the truth.
5. All 3 dogs and the cat. The dogs will need to be walked twice a day. Please put all the poop bags in the big green bin next to the garage. That is where we keep our poop collection. The cat will likely try to sit on her.
6. The creepy Jesus painting.
7. Uncle Jake's cardboardy doppleganger. She can take it to show and tell when she gets older.
8. All the nativity scenes we have made every christmas including the one made of clay and the one made of cotton balls and the one in which every character in the nativity has a different disease and people have to guess what it is.
9. Jake's wife Therese, I'm sure she'll win us in the divorce.
10. The alarm clock that has some lights out that her grandma bought for me in middle school and I have been too lazy to replace it since then.

This may not seem like much but she is responsible for my demise. In the event that I survive, I am going to drive to NYC, switch her in the middle of the night with Shawn's pug, fake my death and run off to Costa Rica with her college money. Bear and I will live happily ever after.

I have the best sister this side of the Mississippi

Today when I came home from work, I found this. My lovely sister had bought me maternity clothes. I love her. She knows that I hate shopping and she does it for me. It was a late Mother's Day present even though I'm not a mother, unless you count all my many pets but that's just creepy. Please also note our new frog shaped humidifier. It helps me to breathe at night and therefore sleep. It is the best friend Dave has made since moving to North Carolina.

I would also like to take this time to thank my Mother in Law, Nancy, who has funded all the other maternity purchases I have made.

And also Emily Righter and her sisters even if they don't know that they loaned me all their maternity clothes. All the pants go up to my armpits. No for real. They actually go up to my armpits. I saw in a magazine once where some rich person who was clearly too full of themself wore really long pants and put a belt around the top so it looked like a whole outfit. I think it was Sienna Miller. I could do that with them. Don't worry, I won't, but I could.

So once again, thanks to everyone who supports the Big Orange Baby by helping me to not get beat up on the mean streets of Cary for wearing inappropriate clothing whilst I grow in the middle.

Donna Hogan stole my identity...not really.

So my identity was stolen again. Once again, the evil one bought about $750 worth of Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards but this time, instead of the phone sex and plane tickets, he/she purchased a $300 haircut, a rental car and paid their storage bill.

I really do want to know who did it just so I can act out those commercials so this time I decided I would pick who did it. I chose Donna Hogan, estranged sister of the late Anna Nicole Smith. I chose her for the following reasons...

1. She is trying to completely remake herself like Anna Nicole-hence needing a really expensive haircut.

2. He was on Dr. Phil and other media outlets recently pushing her new book in which she blasts Anna Nicole for a variety of things including giving naked pictures of herself to their father, therefore she would need a rental car to drive to the studios.

3. She will need a storage space to store all the books that are printed that nobody will buy because she didn't actually know Anna Nicole so all of her stuff must be lies. Plus, the time when she could have known her was before she was famous and lets face it, people will be even less interested.

4. All the charges were in Texas and I don't know anybody in Texas so I had to make up a random person.

DONNA FAYE HOGAN, GIVE ME BACK MAH AHDENTITAH (that is my pathetic attempt at a Texas accent in written form)

I cooked for the first time since 1987

Last night I made potato soup. Now that the Big Orange Baby steals all my food from me, the Big Orange desires to eat certain things. Normally, I just make Ali cook for me but I refuse to make her cook me things she can't eat. Every time I cook, Dave says it is the first time. This is not all the way true. While we could probably count the number of times I have cooked something since we have been together on one hand, it is not the first. Liz suggested we make a list of every time so when he says that we can refer to the list and prove him wrong. Emily noted, "you have a blog". So here is the list of everything I have ever cooked since I have known Dave. It is short.

1. Tuna noodle casserole. I don't remember what year. Maybe 2004ish
2. For Ali's birthday I had to make an "audition" chocolate torte a week before the actual event so she could make sure I wasn't incompetent.
3. The actual birthday chocolate torte.
4. Liz and I made pumpkin spice cookies. Liz mostly made this while I bossed her around which is how we work in the kitchen probably much to her dismay.
5. Liz and I make sweet potato wedges for every holiday meal. That is our only job before. She actually makes them by herself for all the Ohio meals because I am not at her house. I would help her if she wanted me to though. I do the dishes afterwards.
6. Chicken and noodles because we moved to NC and can't go to Nancy's Diner on Thursdays and I feel really bad about that. I never made it again even though I really should because it was actually pretty good. I even had to merge together a few recipes which is a huge feat for me.
7. Once I tried to make buckwheat noodles so Ali could have Yaki Soba. Big disaster. All of it went in the trash because it was so gross. I really shouldn't mention this. But it is the effort that truly counts.
8. Potato soup. Everyone who ate it said it was good. Liz and I rock. So there. We also made boston creme pie but that was from a box and so it doesn't count.

Look at that Dave, I made it onto two hands.

My house is better than your house...

Because we have a pool and a basketball court now.



This is our old house. Notice the front door has moved. The bricks are gone and the side deck is fenced in. I don't see the point of fencing in the deck. That's just like inside but colder.












See the pool where the garden used to be? I could have gotten into skimming the pool way better than weeding the garden. Also, you can't tell but they have a full basketball court that is paved and everything. The Serbonich's let all the trees grow so they have a very tidy forest next to them and the small trees that were there when we were little are now very big like the one behind the pool.

Here is the Stewart's old house. Their neighborhood is now pretty fancy. I don't remember them having that front porch but what do I know. I do remember there was a tire swing somewhere and we got lost in the very small patch of woods behind their house. Notice the stump of the tree that attracted the lightning that almost killed Ann.

Stewart's from the side view. Ali remembers that shed very clearly. I do not. I also couldn't find the pond she kept telling me was there. I could see the Davis' house from the front yard.

Do not play in the danger shed!!!! You will get in big trouble!!!

The shed that would not die. Looks exactly the same as when we lived there 20+ years ago.

This is where some of us went to elementary school. Albany Elementary is now Albany Consolidated School. I don't know what that means considering they have an all encompassing complex built on and around the old high school.

I did Kindergarten and 4th grade in these trailers. They may look less appealing but they had AC and private bathrooms.

ere is the playground that was built while we attended school there. To us it was state of the art. Then we moved to NH and had a 50 ft slide. This, not so great anymore.

Here is the general store where we bought tons of bubble gum and swedish fish. Even though it is now a pizza place/video store/tanning salon, it still makes my jaw hurt a little at the memory of 10 pieces of bubble gum in my mouth.

The middle section of this used to be the high school. It also used to look different. Now it is a giant complex that strethces on much beyond this picture and houses the entire district with the exception of Albany Consolidated School which houses a mystery.

Dinner Bells

Somebody stole Dave's identy and bought lots of incriminating crap. They somehow got his debit card number (he still has his card and we have never ever used it online) and bought a plane ticket, $1,100 of gift cards to Bed Bath and Beyond, paid their cell phone bill and had some phone sex. I called Bank of America and I must say they responed very efficiently. They had already reversed half of the transactions and they are crediting the remainder next business day. I, being the investigative type of person, decided to call all the places they bought stuff. It turns out that all the companies were already on to me when I called and refused to give me information for fear that I might try to handle the thief myself. I wouldn't have. I would have given the information to the police. The real reason I wanted to find out who it was is that I have seen those lovely commercials on identity theft where the identity thieves appear to be talking through the person that has the accounts. If I am to force Dave to do an impression I think I should know a little about the person that stole his identity. All the companies did say however that they weren't very smart about what they did and will easily be caught. Buying a plane ticket was really stupid. So was paying their cell phone bill for an existing account. Plus, now we all know how pervy he/she is for buying phone sex.

Dinner Bells

An haiku reaction to the gross invasion of privacy by my sister...

don't get in my blog
you are not the boss of me
i can harm your cat

What is Dinner Bell?

This is a dinner bell. -->

<-- This is also a dinner bell.