The Best Day of Work Ever.

So I have a really gross rash. It is called PUPPP. I went to the doctor and they gave me a steroid cream that gives me a feeling of euphoria. They warned me it might happen but I didn't know the complete goodness that would be my day yesterday. I only have to put the cream on the actual rash so as it goes away I use less and less and have less and less euphoria. Yesterday however, was the first day of the cream so the rash was all over my stomach, arms and legs and I spread that sweet goodness on 2/3 of my body. What a wonderful morning. I spent 1 hour of it staring at my computer giggling and most of the rest of the time staring at the receptionist giggling. She and the office manager tried to take advantage of my drunken state by asking me to do things I wouldn't normally do. The magical cream allowed me to keep my sensibilities but still have all the good feelings. It was like laughing gas but I could see straight. I wish everyone could have this cream. I think we all need it. Every day. Don't worry Jake, if there is any left I will definately send it to you.

Call for recipes.

Ali has been told she has to go completely gluten free so I am putting out a call for recipes that are wheat free, gluten free, nut free, melon free, shell fish free and peanut free. This rules out oat flour as a substitute. She does good with rice flour. I am not a cooking type of person and she is too sick to do much research on her own. I am hoping to compile a bunch of recipes and get her family, friends and Relief Society to pitch in and help out making her some food.

Please see if you can find anything and post it in my comments.

It's Big, It's Orange and It's a Baby

It is official. The Big Orange Baby is big. She weighs in right now at a whopping 7 pounds. With four weeks to go she will likely be born at 8 pounds. Just like her mama. Not like her eensy weensy daddy who was a mere 5 pounds. I would be willing to be $5 that 3 of those pounds are from Aquanet since she is working on her hair still. How I managed to raise such a vain daughter I will never know.

Leah's Luscious Lenugo Locks

Potential portrait of my lovely Leah

I was at the doctor with my sister the other day and we were trying to schedule a procedure around my due date and the nurse made a rather strange comment. She said the reason Leah hasn't yet been born is because she is doing her hair and make up so she will be pretty when she comes out.

The first image to pop into my head was of Leah, looking like a monkey and combing her lenugo. She hasn't got any hair on her head so I imagine she has one of those small black combs you get at school for picture day and she is combing that fine hair all over her body. Then I picture the wolf people from circus freak shows.

I am thinking I need to schedule a c-section right away because if I push her out the traditional way, most of her hair will come off and she will be one angry baby since she is clearly spending at least 4 weeks working on making sure the part in her knee hair is really straight.

Secondly, I hope she has waterproof mascara because if she makes her grand entrance into the world with smudged eyes, none of us will be impressed and it may be like a scene from Carrie. You just don't realize how tough parenting will really be.

I Got Your Blog War Right Here

I have a confession to make. My husband has some disabilities. He has an unfortunate condition in which he cannot perceive a situation correctly. He can take a simple statement not related to him or about him and turn it into persecution toward himself. His paranoia runs deep. For example. I mentioned to him that it was NaBloPoMo or whatever that is supposed to really be and that we knew some people that were participating but I was not. I had briefly considered making daily comments on those blogs out of support but decided that I wouldn't make promises I couldn't keep. Poor Dave took that to mean that, Liz, Ali and I were forcing him to blog every day. Do you see what a sad life he must lead?

I know you must all be thinking how generous I am to marry such a person with so much strife. In addition to his disability, he is over 100 years old and wants to force me to work concessions for the rest of my life. I am very generous internet. I just can't help it. I love him and he helps us to maintain a higher ratio of orange in our household. Now that Casey has passed we only have 1 orange dog left and so the 2 of us must strive to offset the gray cat and other small demon white dog.

Hopefully, someday there will be a cure for his disability.